Quni Episode 14

Steven M.:Hello listeners[inaudible 00:00:07]. Welcome to the Q-Universe. Yes, the Quni, the poet's guide to the universe. I'm so excited to invite Kaylin with me. We're going to do some hardcore discussions today. We're going to talk of life and death. And you know who the hero of my[inaudible 00:00:35] is, other than you?

Kaylin Heron:You.?

Steven M.:It always is, but I'm talking about for this episode.

Kaylin Heron:Okay.

Steven M.:The unique member of this crew is Dr Seuss. So, all my water brothers,[inaudible 00:00:52] that's the one thing that they have in common. Extremely high sense of ethics and fearlessness. This is why am fearless as Dr. Seuss. I mean, what was I scared of? I mean really? What was I scared of? Well, I was walking in the night and I saw nothing scary for I have never been afraid of anything, not very[inaudible 00:01:25].

Kaylin Heron:And I was deep within the woods when suddenly I spied them. I saw a pair of pale green pants with nobody inside them.

Steven M.:I wasn't scared, but I stopped. What could those pants be? What could a pair of pants at night can be standing in the air for? Oh my God, standing in the air.

Kaylin Heron:[inaudible]

Steven M.:And, and, and, and, and, and-

Kaylin Heron:And, and, and then they moved. Those empty pants, they kind of started jumping. And then my heart, I must admit, it kind of started thumping. So I got out, I got out fast, as fast as I could, sir. I wasn't scared but pants like that I do not care for. No sir.

Steven M.:No Sir, no sir, no sir. We're not going to be scared, oh no. After that, a week[inaudible 00:02:38] by. A week, a whole week.

Kaylin Heron:A whole week.

Steven M.:I think it was more in our case.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah, I think so. It's like a month, I think?

Steven M.:It was two.

Kaylin Heron:It's just a month, I'm sorry.

Steven M.:And one dark night in Greenwich, Greenwich is a village. It's a village. Is Greenwich a village?[crosstalk 00:02:57]. I had to do the hand there, defect some Greenwich spinach. Yeah. You got to get our green [stamped 00:03:08]. The more modern verses the [inaudible 00:03:10].

Kaylin Heron:That's true.

Steven M.:Oh, well Oh, well no Kaylin story.

Kaylin Heron:Well, well, look at you.

Steven M.:Well, I had fetched the spinach and I started back through town and those pants raced around

Steven M.:a corner here and they almost knocked me down. Oh my God, almost knocked me down.

Kaylin Heron:I lost my Greenwich Spinach, but I didn't even care. I ran for home. Believe me, I have really had a scare. Now bicycles were never made for pale green pants to ride them. Especially spooky pale green pants with nobody inside them.

Steven M.:That's a nice thing about my pale green pants, you know that.

Kaylin Heron:You're what? You're inside of them?

Steven M.:Yeah, we're all these people having a party in there. Okay, My name is Steven Michalove.

Kaylin Heron:Yes it is.

Steven M.:And you are?

Kaylin Heron:Kaylin Heron.

Steven M.:Yeah.

Kaylin Heron:Present.

Steven M.:So I guess the burden of this episode is the Great Blue Heron.

Kaylin Heron:Oh, yeah. There's one of those. I live in Fairfield-

Steven M.:In the intrude. The original intro to my podcast, I mentioned that I would talk eventually about how I almost died and came back to life. There's this hole in my head, but it's a very long tale filled with personal misery and amazing people that kept me alive. So how about we talked about that. Is that okay?

Kaylin Heron:Absolutely, I'd be honored.

Steven M.:Okay, so your job is asked me like the what the fuck questions.

Kaylin Heron:Okay.

Steven M.:So we start at the first time I almost died?

Kaylin Heron:Sure.

Steven M.:Let's start there.

Kaylin Heron:Okay.

Steven M.:It was in the '80s. I just moved to Denmark and I was doing my first trip back to the United States, to Atlanta. I got this really cheap ticket with Trans American Airlines, they still exist, to get me a-

Kaylin Heron:How cheap is cheap? Do you remember? That was like $400.

Steven M.:That's very cheap, yeah. So the deal was you had to go from Copenhagen to Hamburg, and then Hamburg to New York and Hamburg to Atlanta. There was not[crosstalk 00:05:57], it was not the fast flight. So I will get in this airplane, it's really cool, right? I'm getting excited I'm going to see my family. So we get on the plane, it's a brand new Airbus 320 with the Rolls Royce engines, just come off the production line. It was number seven. I was super excited about being in fly-by-wire, new tech and everything. So we get in, sit down not thinking about ... I'm looking out the window because I want to see everything. I want to see the new aircraft, right? Super Cool. So we get in the plane, we're taking off, everything's fine, and then I'm thinking, I wonder what the landing gear thing sounds like. I hear this, this really loud ... It was like I'd never heard anything ... That was such a loud sound for an aircraft. I look out the window and we're starting to turn and the plane is going back and forth. It's not really very comfortable in the sky right now.

Kaylin Heron:Can't imagine.

Steven M.:It's ... You could clearly feel it's out of balance because I look down on the runway and what do I see? I see flaming debris. It's the parts of our engine that came off while we were taking off. So I think, okay, what's going to happen now am in here? "Ladies and gentlemen, we've experienced a technical issue. We're gone out over the ocean, and dumping our fuel, and then we're coming back for a quick landing, and then we're going to figure out what our next steps are. Please stand by the flight crew will give further instructions as required. We'll be down in a minute. Hang on. We are almost there." That was almost verbatim. So I'm looking to the person next to me. I had no idea who it is because I'm not paying attention to anything else. So that then he starts doing a circle over the ocean, Hamburg is on the coast, so it's right there. He swings out and empties his fuel and you can feel the plane lightening and all of a sudden it's like flying like a bird. Before it was like an angry aircraft carrier.

Kaylin Heron:Some plan.

Steven M.:So then he starts his approach and I looked down at the runaway. I think this is clear blue sky, his VFR, Visual Flight Rules shouldn't be a problem. And then I saw the fire engines, the blue lights because in Germany they use blue and red lights. And so we land-

Kaylin Heron:How much-

Steven M.:We stop and the plane comes to a complete stop. And he says, "Ladies and gentlemen, soon as the fire Marshall gives us clearance, we'll take it to the gate, but we're trying not to catch the gate on fire."

Kaylin Heron:Okay.

Steven M.:And the tow truck came and towed us to the gate. So, I haven't been towed in a car, I've been towed in [crosstalk 00:09:03]. I'm a star upon Mars and those without stars live in Mars.

Kaylin Heron:Stop it.

Steven M.:Oh, wrong jack. Oh, wrong Dr. Seuss story, sorry.

Kaylin Heron:That's crazy. So about how long-

Steven M.:So we get off the plane, and of course my eyes gravitate, to who?.

Kaylin Heron:The passenger sitting next to you.

Steven M.:Oh, come on, you know me better than that. So there's this girl, she's very attractive. Incidentally she's still in the middle of the story and she doesn't have much clothes on, which is totally okay with me. I don't mind that at all.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah, I know all that.

Steven M.:It wasn't bothering me at all. And then she says at the top of her voice, because she loves the attention. Clearly she loves the attention, which is great. She is sweet, I think, well the jury's out on that one. But she says, "I wasn't scared. Not even a little bit." Then I'm thinking, either this girl is entirely crazy or she's lying. There's not anything in between.

Kaylin Heron:No.

Steven M.:Because I was scared. And then I looked down my pants and you know what? I was still in them and my legs still work, so I said right, yay!

Kaylin Heron:There you go.

Steven M.:What was I scared of? What was I scared of?

Kaylin Heron:In the grand scheme of things, that's a good question.

Steven M.:So I ran out and I bought green pants the next day.

Kaylin Heron:[inaudible]

Steven M.:Because you know, we were talking about Dr. Seuss.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah and the green pants. That's so incredible, I cannot imagine. So how long-

Steven M.:That was the easiest one, that was the least painful way I almost died.

Kaylin Heron:No. My bad because it was just kind of a moment-

Steven M.:So the next time I almost died, it was the same reason as all the other ones, it was doctors. So I went for a routine sinus surgery where they basically clean out your sinuses so you don't get all of these current sinus infections which I used to get as a kid. Because my genes gave me a bad sinus. I guess I should have had a much bigger nose. It's the myth of our tribe, you know. Mine is big on the inside. Didn't have long here. No, they took parts of it out. Anyway, so everything was fine, he was a friend of a friend and he did a great job on the surgery, but unfortunately the next day my intestine collapsed because of anesthesia. It's a known problem. So off to the emergency room.

Kaylin Heron:The next day?

Steven M.:So they're pumping me full of morphine. Yes, the next day, I had just drank like a liter of coffee in the morning, which I normally do in the morning. Even back then, even when I was young. So this happened ... Well, my youngest son was due in April and this happened in the winter. So we already knew that he was on the way, so the stakes were pretty high. And I wasn't scared because you know what? They took my pants off and they gave me a gown, can you believe it. I didn't even have pants to be scared of. [crosstalk] I felt like a clown in that gown.

Kaylin Heron:I can imagine.

Steven M.:So I get to the emergency room and they pump me through with morphine and it turns out I'm allergic to morphine. My brain and narcotics really don't get along together.

Kaylin Heron:No.

Steven M.:And so they rush me into the emergency room from the emergency room onto the operating table because they've got to clear these [brockets] before it kills me. What they should've done is pumped my stomach, but they forgot that stuff, so I'm sitting on the table and she says, "Okay, we're going to do the surgery now." And then I start puking and she has to turn me on the side and while she intubates me, which means put the breathing tube. She stops the puke, which is the biggest risk with non plan gut scheduled surgery because people are aspirating on their own vomit, which is how my father died. Exactly the same story. His intestines collapse after surgery and he died on his own aspirated vomit.

Kaylin Heron:Oh Wow.

Steven M.:That almost got me too.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah. Wow.

Steven M.:If it wasn't for this amazing female anesthesiologist, I'd be dead. So that was time number two. That was painful because when I woke up I had a drain in my stomach and they never really do small surgeries back then. They didn't have the tech. They know a lot more now, luckily.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah. That's insane, and the same way that your father-

Steven M.:Today, if I was through one of the many surgeries I've had, I don't even know how many surgeries I've had. Maybe 20 or 25. One day I'll count them, my biographer will go through all my medical records and figure out how many have actually had, right?

Kaylin Heron:Yeah, recover your medical records, then we'll know.

Steven M.:Right after they take a close look at my DNA and hopefully fix it up so it doesn't happen to anybody else. Anyway, so that was near death experience number two. So let's talk about number three because that was a super wild ride. So we're in for surgery, I had a [inaudible 00:14:59]laminectomy where there's a lamina sitting on a nerve on my back and blocking my signals so they just cut off a little bone then they drill a hole for the nerve. It's pretty simple. Unless they leave deadly bacteria inside of you to ... Bingo![crosstalk 00:15:18], I have bacteria in my spine. So, that resulted in two more surgeries to try and fix the leakage and the damage, thin it'll clear the infection for by now it's already in my bloodstream, which is called sepsis. That's a 50% survival rate back then, if you're lucky. I was lucky.

Kaylin Heron:Beyond blessed, so fortunate.

Steven M.:So that got my blood and then months and months of antibiotics, they had a PICC line, which is a pipe that goes from your arm to your artery, it goes right to your brain. It's called central line. Doesn't go through your heart, it goes directly to your brain. They would come every day and hook me up antibiotics and give me treatments for six months.

Kaylin Heron:Wow.

Steven M.:Finally they figured out, guess why it's not working. So my doctor says we only have one more antibiotic. This is a [sanibox] in 1950. And if it doesn't work, it will kill you. And either it kills the bacteria or it kills the patient. No, that's 50% chance, right? He said, the only choice is we go in and we take the metal out of your back because the bacteria had now gotten to the metal. And you can't see because there's a [inaudible 00:16:44], and you have the screws out in the front of my book that where it used to be in my back. So they went in through the bath and did what was called a posterior fusion. So my middle is here and they opened me up and they took that metal and they did[inaudible 00:17:02]. While they were in there they discovered that the infection had also gotten in my bone so they'd be going from the front and take parts of my infected bone out and put in new bone grafts.

Kaylin Heron:That is insane.

Steven M.:So that was the interiors-

Kaylin Heron:So six months after already being on-

Steven M.:Antibiotics.

Kaylin Heron:-antibiotics.

Steven M.:And remember tours through the ICU, probably three months of hospitalization or the-

Kaylin Heron:Intensive [inaudible] care. Oh my gosh.

Steven M.:You know, and a lot of help from my family and my [other] brothers.

Kaylin Heron:I am sure you have to have a good-

Steven M.:Very tough time.

Kaylin Heron:-circle of people. Yeah good-

Steven M.:And you can imagine after all those antibiotics, my micro flora was not happy.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah, No. Oh my gosh I can't. Honestly it's insane.

Steven M.:So, I'm not finished yet. So after they did the interior fusion, they had to cut me up, went through the front and move all my intestines and everything to the side. And you know what happened to my intestine, right, it had collapsed once before. So what do you think happened?

Kaylin Heron:[inaudible 00:18:12].

Steven M.:So now it's really super narrow from being moved.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah.

Steven M.:Because after that, then I got 1.6 liters of fluid in my abdominal cavity called a seroma, it's a side effect. And then they put a drain in, and by then it had already pushed my intestines over for over a week. It just filled my whole abdomic cavity with fluid.

Kaylin Heron:Did you feel the side effects? Like where you bloating? [crosstalk]

Steven M.:Oh yeah but the doctors wouldn't listen to me. It took me a week to talk them into actually doing a CT scan, and they asked for it right away. Interventional radiologists, if you end up being sent to an interventional radiologists, this is not going to be a fun visit. I can just tell you that. They don't do fun.

Kaylin Heron:[inaudible] that's not their forte.

Steven M.:There's a reason why they do x rays. They like radiation. They don't like patients. There's that type of doctor, they're not homeopaths, let me put it that way.

Kaylin Heron:I can see that.

Steven M.:Okay. So that was near death, experience.

Kaylin Heron:Three.

Steven M.:Four. Three and four.

Kaylin Heron:Three and four.

Steven M.:Because the seroma fluid almost killed me as well. So it was two. We've got two for one.

Kaylin Heron:Two for one sounds-

Steven M.:So luckily they were just two week apart.

Kaylin Heron:I don't know more[crosstalk 00:19:37].

Steven M.:But they kept me alive so I could pay their bill and meanwhile this part of Swedish Neurosurgery Institute has been in the news.

Kaylin Heron:[inaudible]

Steven M.:So that's another issue. And then once again another back surgery, this time by the guy, he put me together to[inaudible 00:20:04] this time, he fixed all the surgical stuff. He did it great. And I ended up not taking care of myself after surgery. I made a hole in my dural lining afTer the surgery, which is a common side effect. So the dural is the bag, that holds your spinal fluid.

Kaylin Heron:Oh wow. How did you ... Acidity?

Steven M.:It's very fragile because they probably nicked it after the surgery.

Kaylin Heron:Oh, got you.

Steven M.:Probably when he was cleaning up or something, he probably nicked it and didn't know. So then another surgery to go in and fix where he'd done that. So they sent me home, so I'm doing fine. You know, I had really bad headaches from not having any spinal fluid, but they put me in this bed in the hospital after surgery without the pneumatic paths in my legs to keep me from getting cuts. Or guess what happened? I got one and you know where it went, into my brain. Because it turns out the two chambers of the interior part of my heart are joined together. Have you ever heard of what's called a PFO? it's a hole between two chambers in my heart. So the cut went directly from my leg to my brain. Joining home and my partner Dina at the time, saved my life. She called 911. I was peeing and I fell down, hit the floor. I remember lOoking at her and thinking, I can't even talk. I can't get up. I can't do anything.

Steven M.:And the EMTs get there, and I'm laying on the floor and they think I'm OD on narcotics. Dina says, no, he is not capable of it. His brain just won't take them. Right?

Kaylin Heron:Yeah.

Steven M.:So they rushed me in and they do a CT scan and right into brain surgery and he put me to sleep in the O.R. and I'm asking them to kill me. I'm making signals with my hand. I don't want to survive this stroke because I know what strokes do to you.

Kaylin Heron:Oh Wow.

Steven M.:So meanwhile my son and Dina are out in the lobby wondering if I'm ever going to wake up. So they put a tube in my leg and they run surgical instruments to my brain and they pull the clot out of my brain. And they catch all this on film. It's actually very famous in the [Utah] medical school. It was one of the very few successful saves that's captured on film from a stroke.

Kaylin Heron:Wow.

Steven M.:There's a video of him going in and taking the stroke out of my brain. The clot, with a vacuum tube, almost like if you're at the dentist's. So I wake up in the ICU the next morning and I'm strapped down to the bed. They kept me in a coma for three days to let the swelling [inaudible 00:23:09]. But I wasn't breathing on my own at that point, so they had me on a respirator. But they couldn't sedate me because I need to breathe on my own before they could take me off.

Kaylin Heron:How was your cognitive function[crosstalk 00:23:24]

Steven M.:So I couldn't talk because I had that breathing tube down my throat and they tie you down so you can't pull it out because you feel like you're drowning. So you know what I did? I sang the C is for cookie song because I couldn't talk. All I could do is sing C is for cookie. I was in the ICU singing C is for cookie. And I finally got them to give me something to write with. And so then I asked them to sedate me. I wrote it down and they said, no, can't do that. To then the next day my son [Johan] came in. They took the tube out and after I established that I could still breathe because they didn't know what would happen. I had to be awake when they took it out, it was very painful.

Kaylin Heron:Wow. They couldn't put you to sleep just to pull it out?.

Steven M.:And then right away they had to teach me to swallow. I did not how to swallow anymore. I couldn't tie my shoes. I couldn't walk.

Kaylin Heron:That was so frustrating. Sorry, how frightening.

Steven M.:So that's why I do [inaudible 00:25:00]. I can't waste this gift that's been given to me.

Kaylin Heron:Truly.

Steven M.:And I know all of these things are a story that was written for me to tell and put it in my brain after that part died. Does that make sense? No, I never played a keyboard before. I started two months ago.

Kaylin Heron:It's awesome. It's invigorating to try something new. To be-

Steven M.:And I was gifted with this math of figuring out how time in the universe works, which are some of the greatest mysteries to humans.

Kaylin Heron:I often times fell that the experiences we have aren't solely for us. Right?

Steven M.:So now you've heard my story. What's your reaction to it?

Kaylin Heron:What is my reaction to it?[inaudible 00:26:32]

Steven M.:That makes a lot of sense.

Kaylin Heron:I'm more scared to die and feel like I never lived, you know that I-

Steven M.:Yeah, that's kind of like a motto of mine. The fast die slow.

Kaylin Heron:Well, I'm still living.

Steven M.:So I've gotten really good at both.

Kaylin Heron:I think you know tragedies are equally our spiritual blessings, Right? I think I've learnt that today. Even if you try to take the incidences that God will allow it as a gift that you can give out of us and a blessing to lives that you touch and impact even on a daily basis, he will give us one.

Steven M.:That's a really good point. I like that. Can you hear the keyboards go.

Kaylin Heron:No.

Steven M.:What if you did [inaudible 00:28:36]. Pull out now. Now you can hear them, right?

Kaylin Heron:[inaudible]

Steven M.:No, you can't hear the keyboards hum, that's strange.It's okay, we'll figure it out. This is probably going to be [inaudible 00:29:08]. One, two. That's worse now you can't hear anything , right?

Kaylin Heron:Yeah. No.

Steven M.:This is why you have other people doing engineering for you, but you're still not connecting the right channel. Let's see. Can you hear anything now coming out of the speakers. You hear the keyboard, right?

Kaylin Heron:Yeah.

Steven M.:Okay, good. I don't know how to get her out of here. Sorry, am just a baby. Okay, So let's do a sound check on your voice.

Kaylin Heron:You want me to say sound check.

Steven M.:Good. It's fine.

Kaylin Heron:Sound check.

Steven M.:Yeah, you sound great. So we were talking about living fast and dying slow.

Kaylin Heron:What do you mean when you say live fast?

Steven M.:That you get a lot done, that your output a lot, That you create lots of leave behinds. I call them[inaudible 00:30:43] because they tend to last a long time. So there's three different deaths that are discussed in my paper. Would you like to hear about them.

Kaylin Heron:One more time?

Steven M.:There were three different kinds of deaths that I talked about in my paper. There's the little death.

Kaylin Heron:The little death.

Steven M.:And there's the big death.

Kaylin Heron:The big death.

Steven M.:So the first death is when your body dies, right? That's your physio death and there's the little death. That's when your family and friends forget about you. You pass from their memory because they probably passed. Then there's the big death. You know what that is? That's when everybody forgets about you. You are just gone.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah, when you die twice.

Steven M.:So when I talk about living fast, that means creating lots of objects to help you live past my body dying. So it makes sense.

Kaylin Heron:Absolutely.

Steven M.:And you have to do things fast because we don't have much time. We really don't. We're just a blink.

Kaylin Heron:You've got to be passionate about everything[inaudible 00:32:23]

Steven M.:You need a mission. You need a set of goals. You need a lighthouse to sail towards. So how this trauma that I've been through, the way that I tried to turn it into something positive is through art. From the time the earliest primates that we now know as homo sapiens has started this whole anthropocene thing, they started doing cave painting, right? That was their attempt to avoid the big death and it worked. They really went but we remember their art, Byron and Shelley had these long, long conversations about Ozymandias. No one knows who Ozymandias. is anymore. He was a king that built this amazing sculpture in a desert When the artist is remembered, the king is not. You know an artist is remembered because humans have a need to tell their stories.

Steven M.:So it kind of makes sense that I was given all of these stories because storytelling is a very primitive part, a very ancient part of our mind indeed. At this point I may plug my next book called Ancient Places of Minds it's going to be super cool. It's going to be about all the ancient stuff. Art and sex and the wet things and things that all fear all the fast places of the mind. Anyway, I'm done with my plugging my book. Are you going to get it. I sure will. Yay, at least I've got one person who to get it.

Kaylin Heron:That's fascinating. Especially when you take a perspective of history tendencies. Sometimes it repeats itself. So,-

Steven M.:Indeed, yes. I know.

Kaylin Heron:-it'll be in our best interest I think to[inaudible 00:34:37] what they left.

Steven M.:It would be.

Kaylin Heron:Are you talking about any ancients in particular?

Steven M.:I'm talking about ancient places in the mind. But yes.

Kaylin Heron:Is it out of a specific culture or just taking the spiritual form.

Steven M.:Well, all tribes have their own ancient stories, right? And many of them are better than others. They're just the passings of their tribes. They're members of their stories, right. That's what that is, the world history of our tribes. Whether it's the form of a book in my case or sheepskin in my case. Even for our company, the first thing I started with is this set of core principles, because honestly the science and the business part, that's the easy stuff. Can we get that fix right? That's the hard part, right? That's what I mean. So it makes sense.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah. Absolutely.

Steven M.:Which is my girlfriend and me campaign for a hackloud.art. That is h-a-k-l-o-u-d.art Shameless plug. I am a little bit shamed actually. Not just a little bit, not too much.

Kaylin Heron:I see you blushing but only if I [inaudible 00:36:06].

Steven M.:You know what I always do when I blush, right? I have to look at something.So what would you think of this doctor as your story. It's not one of his most famous ones, is it?

Kaylin Heron:No I don't, I don't think it's one of those famous ones but I think that-

Steven M.:It fits me a lot, doesn't it?

Kaylin Heron:It does[crosstalk 00:36:44].

Steven M.:You can tell why it's stuck with me, right.

Kaylin Heron:It looks like it's a little worn after being spent for years.

Steven M.:Hey, this is a first edition. This is the same book that my parents read for me and then I used it with my kids.

Kaylin Heron:That's incredible.

Steven M.:This is what I'm talking about. This is the Ozymandias effect, right? No one remembers who's publisher is, no one remembers his wife, unfortunately. No one remembers the things you wished you asked for forgiveness for before he died, but his arts arise. But art can also be a bad thing. One of my comic heroes, to my great embarrassment, prove that to be case. He did this comedy album back when I was a kid called Revenge. He told the story about how if he hits somebody with his car by accident or on purpose that he would tell a cop. If the person looked cold and he would just cover him with the car to keep him warm.

Kaylin Heron:Clever.

Steven M.:So, do you know what his name is?

Kaylin Heron:I do not. What is his name.

Steven M.:Remember we are talking about someone that can use art for evil, right? His name is Bill Cosby. And the name of the album is Revenge. So when I sat back listening to his album there, I was thinking this guy is like empathy, zero intelligence 10.

Kaylin Heron:That's scary.

Steven M.:Know what that is? Empathy zero. Intelligence 10 narcissism 10.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah. Narcissist is what matters.

Steven M.:So, No. Narcissism 10, empathy zero. The smarts 10, brilliance is 10, that's a psychopath. A narcissist with empathy 10 is just a really dedicated, selfless person. Seriously and probably very unhappy.

Kaylin Heron:That would be true.

Steven M.:I know. So, art can we used for good things and bad things, which is why I started my record label, not with an amazing artist, which is what most records do, labels do. I start with myself because if you can't get it right for yourself, you can't get right for other people, right? Now I am my biggest fan because you know what? I have to deal with me all the time. I'm really hard to get rid of.

Kaylin Heron:You do absolutely have the right perspective there. You are in your best company, right?

Steven M.:No, my worst company. Are you getting me?

Kaylin Heron:What? You have to at some point just enjoy those moments.

Steven M.:I've come to learn to accept myself. I'm very demanding, demanding on myself,

Kaylin Heron:Which can also be a good thing.

Steven M.:It can be. So, I started with a set of ethics so that we don't get into the Bill Cosby situation because you know, Revenge is not healing, right? Revenge is destruction. It's very, very negative. Gandhi said an eye for an eye and soon the whole world is blind. Not that I don't think the seeing impairs the beautiful people. It would be very hard to write software and make self driving cars without eyes. So, let's not make the whole world blind. Okay?

Kaylin Heron:Forgiveness is something even more for yourself. It's truly a release for you.

Steven M.:Yeah. I'm not even sure it's forgiveness. I actually think it's part of anti-fragility. I think it's a super important part of the universe, because honestly a planet whose been consumed by it's star, as it explodes and every single atom on it gets turned to hydrogen oxygen. And every hour turns those constituents and feeds the sun. It doesn't hold any animosity against the sun because the sun has a right to it's energy. Just like the prey does not blame the predator if you're becoming food, you just learn. The ones that don't make it, don't get to teach us. Right?

Kaylin Heron:Yeah.

Steven M.:You're thinking the other day evolution has won the bet. But overall it's anti-fragile. That's the amazing thing about the universe. So, right is one of the ways that I have become anti-fragile and I hope, I truly hope that this record label and this endeavor we're getting ready to go on will bring us that. So the other things I'm going to be doing is really interviewing a whole bunch of people, which I call the heroes of the Q-universe, right? The Quantum Universe. And we've got have some swag for me? You're going to get a tee shirt and a mug. And guess who's going to help us make sure we have all that stuff.?

Kaylin Heron:Me.

Steven M.:Exactly. But we're going to have fun. Okay.

Kaylin Heron:I want goods[inaudible 00:43:16]

Steven M.:We're going to have lots of great events. Okay.

Kaylin Heron:Yeah. I want a tour of the Opera. In fact lets ... I would love to-

Steven M.:Okay. So normally I end all episodes with the same note.

Kaylin Heron:What's that?

Steven M.:Hey, any way thank you very much for listening. My name is Steven Michalove. I'm your poet, the only reason that you're hearing this podcast is the amazing talent [inaudible 00:43:57]. I'm just a product, they do all the real work. Enjoy it. Steven Michalove this is the host guide to the Quantum Universe.