Quni Episode 8: On Power in The Q-Universe (feat. Natasha Prime)

Steven Michalov:Okay, this is audio check. This is audio check, audio check, this is audio check

Welcome, to the Poets Guide to the Q-Universe. My name's Steven Michalove. I'm a lifetime prisoner of the tech industry from Seattle, Washington. So what you're about to hear is my poetical view, and some might say heretical view, of the quantum universe, the Q-Universe, and its applicability to computing, and society, and ethics, and other human endeavors.

This is not an attempt to make an academic statement. If you're wondering why I'm doing this podcast, I can tell you why. Because the real universe, as opposed to the Q-universe, has tried to kill me a few times, and we'll get into that in other broadcasts. But one of the things that left me when I had my stroke and brain damage was the gift to understand and talk about this stuff and maybe even create music. We'll see how that turns out.

So thanks for listening and just a note; if you have small children or if you don't like them hearing expletives, please listen at a time where it won't disturb them. My personal opinion is that expletives never hurt anyone. In fact, they're quite cool and creative so enjoy the podcast. Take care. May all your endeavors bring wealth and joy to the world.

Thanks for listening to the Q-Universe, a poet's guide to the Q-Universe.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the very first time we're doing a non-solo episode. I'd like to introduce you to my friend [Tash], short for Natasha. Say hi, Natasha.


Steven Michalov:Hey, she's like my primary. Do you know, if you don't know what a primary is you can look it up. We'll make a video and show you. You want to see a video? Okay. Natasha, what do you think? I was thinking about this episode is about something you're super passionate about.


Steven Michalov:Was that we're not talking about weed today. We're gonna talk about nuclear power.


Steven Michalov:Hey, you knew when I grew up, lakes and streams would catch on fire because all these big petro ... criminal companies, petro-crimical, petro-criminal-


Steven Michalov:I think they're petro-crimical myself, chemical. I think they probably should have been put in prison but, when all that shit went down, you know what? Nixon started the E.P.A., right after he stole the election. But, the funny thing is Nixon didn't need to steal the election. He was like one of the smartest President's we ever had. But he really fucked up based on some of his dirty laundry.

Let's talk about nuclear power, the E.P.A. was not Nixon's dirty laundry, Nuclear power, we all hate it, because it's a love-hate relationship. We like the atom, we have as a planet. The atom can be used to kill people. It can be used to generate power. It can be cool, nah. It can make up sperm and it can make up eggs. It's really cool stuff. Atoms are rad, so let's talk about how we can do rad nuclear power. Let's talk about the stuff that's not so cool. What's the least cool thing about nuclear power, Natasha?


Steven Michalov:Yeah, the trash. The excrement. Did you know that every open system has to have, what?

Natasha:An ending.

Steven Michalov:It needs to be able to shit. Oh yeah, excrement. It's like the most important thing to life. Every living organism has excrement. Even our Sun has it. What did we forget? We forgot to help the planet shit, didn't we? So, we built all this nuclear power and we have to way to shit it out.


Steven Michalov:So, we're constipated. We've constipated the planet, with like all these terrible things. Let's get rid of 'em. You know what I think we should do? Let's take 'em, and turn 'em in to nuclear batteries. And then we send them to the Sun, where the Sun can eat them, cause that's one creature that loves nuclear stuff.

Can you imagine all that? Uranium and Plutonium and Polonium and-

Natasha:Would it explode-

Steven Michalov:Cesium and all those nasty isotopes, going right in to the Sun. Hey, that's what I want to build. What do you think?

Natasha:What if the Sun explodes?

Steven Michalov:That, it will do. The Sun will explode.

Natasha:So, the world ends.

Steven Michalov:No, every Sun dies. Every creature in the Universe dies.

Natasha:But, are they speeding up [inaudible] the Sun.

Steven Michalov:I think we're talking about a random age. I think you're right; it's possible, but there's limits to growth of the human species and I think by the time we created enough mass as a fraction of the entire mass of the Sun, we would have to send the entire planet in to the Sun to make a negligible difference in the reactive nature of the Sun. Remember, most of the particles will get de compartmentalized before they get to the core, so they turn in to their constituent elements, so even Uranium doesn't stay Uranium as it head towards the core of the Sun. Turns in to hydrogen. 'Cause all that electrons and photons and protons are stripped. Sorry, the photons are sent back to us in the [inaudible].

Natasha:I guess it's a good idea 'cause the human race only has 300 years.

Steven Michalov:Hey, let's help the planet shit, and let's build nuclear batteries. But these aren't batteries you can put in your camera. These are batteries you charge your camera with. So we're not decentralize that, like we have computers. Can you imagine one of those in your home, generating enough power for everything in your home?

Natasha:I would never do that. No!

Steven Michalov:This egg-shaped thing that's in your basement, that you're not allowed to access; if you touch it, all kinds of alarms go off.

Natasha:Why would I want something that-

Steven Michalov:Why don't we-

Natasha:-in my house? Who wants that?

Steven Michalov:You actually have them everywhere, already. There's-

Natasha:They're not in my house.

Steven Michalov:Not yet.

Natasha:I wouldn't get that in my house.

Steven Michalov:What if it was safe?

Natasha:We have solar power!

Steven Michalov:Okay! I agree! Let's do that. Why don't we fill all the danger centers with these batteries? Then what about, instead of building new power plants, we build wind plants, and when the wind's not blowing, it switches back over to these batteries, and in 50 years, 75 years, which is the life span of these batteries, we'll send them up to space, because our robots in space need juice. And so will our communes on the Moon. We gotta get power up there so, let's do it with our shit.

Natasha:Spent fuel.

Steven Michalov:Yeah. We'll use those nuclear batteries. The Navy and [inaudible] do this for a long time. You know where they do it? There's this really cool place in the Northwest. Welcome to the Northwest Zone, called the Q-Universe. The Q-Universe is built in the Northwest, in [inaudible], in Idaho. THere's where they do everything around United States nuclear battery program. Is really cool.


Steven Michalov:Yeah.

Natasha:In Idaho?

Steven Michalov:In Idaho. That's local! Let's go!

Natasha:We have the biggest stockpile of nuclear weapons in the whole country, here. In Bainbridge.

Steven Michalov:We do. And we have some really cool nuclear submarine bases too. But we don't talk about those. Everybody thinks they're in San Diego. But the Russians know where they are, 'cause they track our stuff, just like they track us. We think it's only our aircraft they track? Forget it.

So what do you think? Hey, Tash, Tash, What do you think about nuclear batteries?

Natasha:Well, I think it's a good idea, but you also have to consider the mining of the minerals, materials. Because mining Uranium and Plutonium with open-pit mining is obviously not good, destroying mountains, trucks polluting, yeah.

Steven Michalov:You know what I think? I think we should send these trailers that you put, I don't know, let's say, let's ... drive up in a trailer next to Three-Mile Island, okay? You know where that is? It's in New Jersey. It almost melted down. It was a really cool experiment. It was one of those experiments that failed, so you learn a lot.

Guess what? Let's take all their isotopes and we'll have this little robot that takes, I don't know, let's do 100 kilos at a time. We'll take a hundred kilos of isotope to this trailer and we'll just turn it in to nuclear battery and pack it all in, seal it, and make it so you can drop it from an aircraft without damaging it. That's my test. If it can be thrown on to the planet at terminal velocity and not crack open, and eggs are capable of that, 'cause birds design them. That's really cool. So, we'll make these batteries, and we'll call them, how 'bout, "Space Foods?"

Natasha:Don't they already have Space Foods?

Steven Michalov:No, they don't. We're gonna build them at Microsoft. Oh yeah, did I tell you I was a lawyer in another lifetime? If you ever read the book, "Stranger in a Strange Land."

Natasha:Which character are you?

Steven Michalov:Ha ha. Everybody wants to know. I'm the old dude. I'm the guy that writes all the time.

Natasha:Do you write all the time?

Steven Michalov:Yeah, I do.

Natasha:How much?

Steven Michalov:Hmmm. Well, [inaudible] of writing words per ... I don't know, we have to have a coms ... how 'bout all the time?


Steven Michalov:I would say, the last ... yesterday, it was 12 hours. Do you what Segovia said when somebody asked him how much he practices? He wakes up in the morning, and he makes his coffee and grabs his guitar. And he has his coffee and his guitar. You know what? He has breakfast, guess what he has in his hand when he's eating breakfast?

Natasha:His guitar.

Steven Michalov:Yeah! Just like Jimi Hendrix, he did the same thing.


Steven Michalov:I bet Jimi is really a reflection of Segovia. Because he went everywhere with his guitar, and I go everywhere with my writing. So, I wake up in the morning and write. Get on my next podcast [inaudible], doing story-telling with my mouth, not just my fingers. But, if you want to be nice in the world, you gotta use your mouth and your fingers! And everything right? Oh, we're talking about writing, sorry! Totally got off track, Tash. I know, I always do that with you. Let's do sexology broadcast next time.

Did you have fun on this first-ever trip to the Q-Universe, together, with me?

Natasha:Yes, my friend.

Steven Michalov:Yeah, she's doing thumbs up. You can't tell, because this is radio and not T.V., but I do plan to do a reading of Dr. Suess, heroes of the Q-Universe.

Natasha:The Sneetches.

Steven Michalov:No, I want it to be the one about the pants. Or maybe will do the East-Going and the West-Going Zax. 'Cause they're like my favorite, 'cause I am so an East-Going Zax.


Steven Michalov:Don't you know Republicans are West-Going Zax and [inaudible] are East-Going Zax. Dr. Suess knew this very well. Shall we read this story? Now, my hero of this episode is Dr. Suess!


Steven Michalov:The hero of the Q-Universe. I will give him a hero Emeritus award.

Natasha:Yes. I agree.

Steven Michalov:Let's see if we can get in to the Dr. Suess Zone. This is titled, "From the Sneetches and Other Stories." This is copyrighted originally in 1961.


Steven Michalov:A year after Kennedy was hunted. Okay, it was renewed in 1989, so I'm not sure what that's like, is it like urban renewal, like if you were in Detroit and you rebuilt the downtown. No idea.


Steven Michalov:Yeah, this is East and West-Going Zax Prax thing has been renewed. Yeah, it was duti-fried, it was duti-fried. Let's fry the [inaudible]. That's what should happen to the one-percenters. Let's fry 'em, lets take their money and use it for something good. Yeah, that's what money's for right?


Steven Michalov:It's buying fun stuff.


Steven Michalov:So, why don't they buy us awesome fun stuff.

Natasha:They should.

Steven Michalov:Hey, let's talk about, 'One day making tracks in the prairie of Prax, came a North-Going Zax and a South-Going Zax.' We'll, I've got a South-Going Zax with me. Where's yours? You got one too, right?


Steven Michalov:Oh no! Alright, I'm going to be your South-Going Zax. And it happened to both of them, come to a place where they bumped, and they stood, foot to foot and face to face. Now I know why this has been renewed. Because the original version had East and West-Going Zax. They changed my favorite point of Dr. Suess. That is like totally not cool.

Natasha:And what is it now? North and South?

Steven Michalov:North and South.


Steven Michalov:This is a dude that grew up in the Cold War. He used East and West with purpose. Okay. Let's get back to it. I'll try and do this substitation.

'One day, making tracks in the prairie of Prax, came a North-Going ... uh, East-Going, a West-Going Zax and an East-Going Zax and it happened that both of them came to a place where they bumped. They stood, foot to foot and face to face. Look here, now, said the West-Going Zax said. I said, you're blocking my path, you're right in my way. I am the East-Going Zax and I always go East. Get out of my way, now! And let me go forth! Who's in who's way, snapped the West-Going Zax. I always go East, I always go West. I don't know, whatever direction I usually go, that's direction I'm going. I'm making East-Going Trax, so you're in my way. I ask you to move and let me go East, in my East-Going groove. You're in groove man, it's not groovy. It's just like really not groovy right?'

'Cause groovy was really hip in 1961 right? I'm not supposed to be doing editorials, right, when I'm talking about groups.

'And then, the West-Going Zax puffed his chest up with pride.'

You know, the West-Going's do that, that pride.

'I never, he said, take a step to one side and I'll prove to you that I won't change my ways.'

I'm not gonna change my ways. Now I just got my groove you know? And if I have to keep standing here for 59 days, I'll do it. Wait, is he talking about Trump or what? I don't know. We're talking about West-Going Zax, so we'll see.

'Wait, I'll prove to you, yelled the East-Going Zax that I can stand here on the prairie of Prax for 59 years. For I live by one rule, that I learned as a boy, is going school. Never do budge, that's my rule, never do budge in the least.'

'Not an inch to the West, not an inch to the East. I'll stay here, not budging. Wait, not an inch to the North, not an inch to the South. I'll stay here not budging. I can and I will, and if it makes you and me, and the whole world stand still, well, let's do the Cuban Missile Crisis 'cause that's pretty much what happened okay?


Steven Michalov:Wait, no, we're talking about the Prairie of Prax. Sorry, shit. I popped back in to Dr. Suess's world. Well of course, the world didn't stand still and the world grew in a couple years. New highways came through and they built it right over the stubborn Zax, like Taco [inaudible] in Seattle. They build a tunnel, they called it the Big Dick in Boston and they left them there, standing, unbudged in their tracks. That's sad. Well, the Zax is a lesson of importance about compromise said Wikipedia. But, I don't think this is the end of the Dr. Suess I remember.

Natasha:Is it?

Steven Michalov:I don't think so, I need to find my book. I have a first edition. So, I will find my first edition. So, I will find my first edition in Dr. Suess. All my literary heroes, I want their first editions. If anybody can please find me a first edition of [Euclid], I'm hip. It should smell like lambskin, I mean you could ... goat skin. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for entering the Q-Universe with me and Tash. Our very first podcast. Tash, say goodbye.


Steven Michalov:No, say it like a greeting goodbye.


Steven Michalov:Well, aren't you going to miss everybody> I am.

Natasha:Goodbye everybody.

Steven Michalov:Yeah, see ya later, bye.

A lot of heroes involved when creating this podcast. So, my first and closest hero I'd like to thank is myself, is Steven Michalove. I just can't even believe it's me. I suffer a little bit from delusions of failure and friction, so thanks for putting up with my test cases.

Next up is [Jessie Huey] 'cause he does magic, so things are magic. Please subscribe via your favorite podcast channel. Thanks.